His Vs Hers

Décor Dilemma
How to share space with your partner


He just doesn’t get why she is so obsessed with home furnishings, he is surprised that she finds his way of living disruptive to her plans of sharing space. And here the battle begins! And this is where we come in – to help Mr Mars and Ms Venus find the way to convivial cohabitation. 

The Root of Turf War:  Battle Of The Sexes

Believe it or not home décor has been a pretty old factor in the battle of the sexes and here’s why: Delhi-based designer, Neeraj Sood of Spaces Talk explains, “Just as men and women are different in their preferences in life, they have very different concepts of spaces in their home. Women will be very particular about their kitchen, dining spaces and the living rooms (where most of the guests will come), but the men will be more concerned with their corners, bar areas, relaxing zones, bedrooms and bathrooms. So each share and have different concepts for their own particular spaces.”

“Do we really need so many throw pillows? Can’t they be thrown out?"

Wake up call ladies. Home and especially the living area for men is the lounging space. They would rather use it for keeping their entertainment gadgets and put their feet up and relax after a long day. So cushions especially sequined or spangelled only makes them feel stiff in their own house. But how do you strike a balance? Designer Anjali Goel, owner of La Sorogeeka suggests: “Instead of filling the floor and couch with excessive pillows you can add just a few cushions with nice throw which would give the woman of the home a dressy feel and man a comfort that they require. The other option is to add too big shams with appliqué to make the place look highlighted as well as comfortable.”

“What are our cushions so prickly?” He throws a fit!

Once again ladies, while  you may be more concerned about the way your home looks, your partner may be more concerned with the way it ‘feels’. Silks and sequins may be your way of doing up a lavish drawing room, but to your man, it could just be too limiting. Anjali Goel has some happy alternative for you: “Instead of using sequins and zari work on upholstery, you can upholster the furniture with cloth-on-cloth designs like appliqué and woven material like chenyle. There is foiled fabric also available in market which is soft & comfortable to sit and gives the glitz and glamour experience. Also, you can use zari & sequins work on cushions for the formal drawing room and let the other spaces be more comfortable”.

“Don’t you think lazing around on weekends was bad enough? Why did we need a fat lazyboy?” She’s at wit’s end.

Home is where Mr Mars likes to don his favourite pair of shorts, put up his feet and watch movies or play games. Do not remind him that he has been sitting in his lazyboy for the last five hours and that half the weekend is almost gone. But what irritates you more than anything else is the way in which the living area lies splattered with DVD jackets, magazines and cable. So the best way to deal with this would be to create separate space for the man and his hobbies. Create space for entertainment and call it the gaming room for instance. But if it has to be the living room then Anjali also has a solution: “In the home theatre you can add a lush carpet with a lamp to make it look inviting. Lighting plays a important role, therefore infusing mood lighting to the area gives a warm look. You should opt for a cabinet which can be designed as wall treatment and can fit in electronic equipments systematically in an aesthetic way.”

“Why do our bedside tables look like antique shop windows?” He quizzes.

 Fancy boxes to keep your earrings; or tiny trays to hold your crystals may be what you like to see around yourself in the bedroom, but chances are that your man might find them too feminine and restrictive. The best way to deal with is take a hard look at the stuff that you think you simply cannot do without and organize your bedside or the bedroom shelves or tables. Keep what you simply must keep and keep the tables clutter- free. Also, strike a balance by bringing in more ‘male’ material by mixing in leather, fur or stone accessories with candles etc. so that it does not give a feminine look.

“Flowers, Aroma-candles, Incense, Lamps: Are you into Voodoo?” He laughs.

It will be wrong to suggest that most men really do not care whether their houses smell of stale tobacco or fresh flowers; but indeed most of the boys would be clueless if you replace your vanilla candles from the bedside with lavender ones. This is one area in which you can simply indulge your senses, go pick up candles or essential oils and lamp burners of your choice and create the ambience you desire. And don’t worry, if Mr Mars doesn’t really like something, he would ask you to change it anyway.

“I said beige! But this is an yellow couch! Are you colour-blind?” She despairs.

You may sweat for hours over the right shade of beige for that coffee table top, what really matters to him is the shape/ size or just how much space it would take up in the study. There is no point cribbing about it. Make peace. Go for the middle path. You choose the colour while he chooses the shape. When it comes to upholstery- if you are more of a red or orange person and the colours he is comfortable are more towards the shades of green, or blue. Here’s how you can create harmony: mix and match. Shop for your home by keeping in mind both your preferences, so that home seems warm and welcoming to both of you. Architect and designer, Saudamini Singhania, Partner, Spaces thinks along same line: “Even if you have different views on the type of furniture, furnishing or the colour scheme, you may still find it exciting to design the place by going ahead with one's idea of the furniture and other's idea of the colour scheme, thereby striking a cord of balance between your personalities”

“Is there anything called wardrobe-megalomania? Do you really wear all this stuff?” He asks.

Marriage and sharing space can be romantic but when it comes to the wardrobe, nothing much seems to work. Ladies, you have to agree that the sheer quantity of your clothes: office wear, casual wear; party wear; etchnic wear can be overwhelming for him and when he complains about you having too much stuff, he is probably right. Anjali suggests: “Make he & she shelves or counters wherever you need to separate stuff so that things do not mix up and get cluttered. Make your spouse feel the space belongs to him/ her too.”

“Do you know plants emit carbon-dioxide by night?” He hates indoor plants.

Greenery is for the garden. That is what most guys would like you to believe. While you may prefer to have lush foliage that greets the eye next to your lamps or windows, your partner might be more concerned about the amount of carbon dioxide your favourite palm tree might be releasing at night.  Anjali says: “Having plants indoor is a good idea but you should not overdo by making it look like nursery and use only those ornate plants which are meant for indoors taking prior advice”.

 “I’m tired of fighting. Can we please make peace?” Both seem to agree.

Even after dissolving all décor differences, there still remain some small problems of doing up your space together, then raise the white flag and take responsibilities of doing up separate spaces according to your individual choice. For instance, you could do the living room and bedroom, while he does the study and so on. But there’s one guideline from designer Neeraj Sood of Spaces Talk that all couples could use while doing up their house together so that it balances aesthetics and functionality even as it preserves their individual tastes. “Focus on the movement pattern of your house according to your use so that there is maximum utilization of space. Try and keep the interiors sleek and simple.  Every furniture piece should be proportionate to the space”.

(Parts of this post has been published by a leading national women's magazine)